Countdown to the Big Three O

A pre-Game of Thrones viewing conversation

Mon, 15 Apr 2013 08:59:35 -0400

Friend: Would you eat human meat?
Me: I dunno, depends on how it's presented.
Friend: Well, I mean, you know. If your friend was going to have to chop off their arm anyways, and you just had a spare arm around, why not? ya know?
Me: That's a good point, and you could serve it hand up with an apple in the hand. You know, like they do with pigs.
...

Friend: What about unicorn meat?

A gardening question

Fri, 05 Apr 2013 08:57:00 -0400

I know I only have a few followers, but I could use some real help. At my new apartment, I have a small gardening area around my patio. Unfortunately the border around my patio is a roughly 6’ tall cinder-block wall.

When it’s overcast (as above) the sunlight diffuses and everything gets a little sun. However, on sunny days there is very little sun that hits the garden area. The sun goes overhead in such a way that the garden area always is in shade, but the concrete area is almost always in the sun.

I know as summer gets closer and the sun gets higher in the sky, it will probably get sunnier on the garden, but is there anything I can do in the mean time to get at least a little sunlight on my poor plants (my basil has already perished). A mirror method? Lights I can buy? Anything? Help!

Itty Bitty Update

Tue, 02 Apr 2013 11:13:13 -0400

46 days till I turn 30! Oooh man. I haven’t accomplished much, but I have changed a lot in the past year.

I moved closer to the city, and my new place has a nice garden area. I planted a few things only to realize that the sun never fully hits my garden. I think I may have to rig some sort of mirror contraption to direct light.

I also got one of those boyfriend things that are all the rage now-a-days. So, that’s nice. :) I’m gonna try to update here more often over the next few weeks. I’ve got big big plans for my birthday weekend!

Upcoming: Pics of the new garden. Also, a stray cat might be giving birth on my patio, so pics of that potentially arriving as well.

What a horrible Sunday.

Mon, 14 Jan 2013 08:40:00 -0500

I don’t think I’ve mentioned that I adopted a dog. A few things happened over my multi-month hiatus actually. I moved to a new apartment with a gardening area on the patio (actual in-ground gardening area), so my gardening posts should start popping up again soon. I need to start tilling up and preparing the soil for planting.

Also, a small dog showed up at my mom’s house. He is as sweet as can be, and no one responded to our ads for a found dog, nor did he have a microchip, so I decided to keep him.

I participated in the Reddit Gift Exchange for Doctor Who fans and received a little costume for him from my match.

Also, I named him Watson.

We’ve all been having fun together the last couple months. It took the cats a little while to get used to him, but they’ve survived the change.

Eleven is much more tolerant of Watson than River. I’ve yet to snap any pics of River and Watson together.

For memory’s sake, here’s a pic of River:

She’s the Calico (obviously).

Now back to why Sunday was so horrible.

I woke up and had every intention of cleaning my apartment. After being sick I had sort of let everything go to shit. My first task was to clean up anywhere Watson had pissed and scoop the litter boxes and generally clean up the bathroom they’re located in.

The first thing I noticed was a cat-butt-shaped stamp of poo on the floor in the bathroom. Not good. I found River a short time later, scooting her butt across the floor like a dog with worms. Apparently she decided to eat something she shouldn’t have been (Eleven did not have the same problems) and got a small bit of diarrhea (she’s over it now). Being a long haired cat, this did not work well with her bathroom attempts. So her butt was covered in poo, and I spent random parts of the rest of the day wiping, trimming, and cleaning it as much as possible. I would have cleaned her up in one go if it were up to me, but she is a huge cat, and has no issue clawing me to death.

On top of this Watson managed to shove himself between a counter top and the fridge, eating god-knows-how-old cat food off the floor, and I don’t know what else. He started throwing up white foam in the early afternoon. I later found a pile of puke in my bedroom where he’d thrown up the cat food he’d eaten. I almost took him to the emergency vet, but he seemed fine after about 10 minutes, just very lethargic. He was back to hyperactive spirits again by the evening.

So yeah. Poop and vomit. My Sunday was filled with poop and vomit.

At least I managed to create some home made pizza rolls (dairy free, but not gluten free as I was too lazy to make home made wonton wrappers).

I have no way to end this, so here’s a pic of Watson and me at my Xmas party:

Breakfast today! Completely gluten & dairy free. I used...

Sat, 12 Jan 2013 12:14:00 -0500

Breakfast today! Completely gluten & dairy free. I used Tofutti cream cheese for the “nose”. I also am absolutely in love with this bacon. It’s Applegate Farms from Whole Foods. Thick cut, uncured, gluten free deliciousness.

I think in the future I will only use orange bell peppers. I was not fond of the green bell pepper flavor for breakfast. Hopefully I can grow some of my own Orange Bell Peppers this growing season!

A review: Amy’s Dairy Free-Gluten Free Enchilada Well,...

Thu, 10 Jan 2013 20:54:47 -0500

A review: Amy’s Dairy Free-Gluten Free Enchilada

Well, turns out I had bronchitis. Got put on some antibiotics yesterday, and by this evening finally felt human enough to venture out to the grocery store. I hadn’t really ventured into the frozen foods aisle to see the options for my dietary resolution yet, and doubted the existance of DF and GF options. Luckily there were plenty!

Amy’s Enchiladas were my choice for dinner tonight. They (obviously) look nothing like the box, and as they cooked smelled slightly of cardboard. The taste was average at best. Spicy-ish, but not enough to excise the mucus from my sinus infected head.

Overall I’d give them a 6/10. I also picked up some GF/DF eggos I’m going to try out for breakfast tomorrow. I’m slightly cheating with a sugar free syrup, because it was cheap and I have bad reactions to the copious amounts of sugar in most syrups.

On a slightly related note, my boyfriend’s highly nutritious dinner consisted of the following, which he ate right next to me:

Super jelly.

Mashed Cauliflower & Squash Noodles & Blerrrrg.

Mon, 07 Jan 2013 09:09:36 -0500

Made faux mashed potatoes using cauliflower yesterday, along with noodles from squash. My method went slightly off from some I’ve seen, but the results are very tasty and paleo friendly!

Been pretty sick the last few days. Horrible cough, congestion, and general tiredness. Doesn’t help that I still went out to bar events with my friends, inevitably drinking - which lead to smoking - which lead to a much less pleasant Friday, Saturday, and Sunday morning. Spent all last night up coughing my lungs out.

So, hopefully I’ll get some fancy meals planned, and follow my New Years super schedule a little more closely this week.

Oh, and quit coughing. That’d be a good one too.

Started my Paleo diet again. Here are a couple of my egg...

Thu, 03 Jan 2013 13:57:00 -0500

Bacon Boat (2 slices of bacon, egg inside)

Poached eggs with fresh asparagus

Delicious creamy egg yolk

Started my Paleo diet again. Here are a couple of my egg creations from breakfast the last two days.

So apparently my account here was hacked.

Mon, 31 Dec 2012 11:06:26 -0500

Alllright. Gonna change my password and start updating here agian.

Apparently my account was hacked and spamming everyone. Sorry about that. Please don’t follow whatever links I posted over the past 3 months.

Sorry I never post anymore (or, why I spend so much fucking time on Reddit)

Fri, 08 Jun 2012 09:51:37 -0400

I’m a bad blogger. I could post an update about how my tomatoes are thriving while every other plant I have is practically dead, or about how I lost 13 lbs in the past 12 weeks, and 28 lbs total this year.

I could also talk about how I’ve become obsessed with the art of makeup and manicures.

However, that’s not what this post is about. This post is about joining reddit, as a woman, and not getting bogged down by trolls.

If you venture to Reddit, you may be afraid. You may read some of the sexist, hateful, psychotic comments of the top stories and think “fuck this crazy place.”

And no one would fault you for that.

However, in it’s underlayers, Reddit holds a female community that rivals the greatest armies known to man.

These are the subreddits for girly geeks to join in order to get the most out of your experience:

http://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes

http://www.reddit.com/r/2XLookBook

http://www.reddit.com/r/RedditLaqueristas

http://www.reddit.com/r/makeupaddiction

http://www.reddit.com/r/TrollXChromosomes

Oh, and for the healthy weight loss crowd:

http://www.reddit.com/r/progresspics

So, yeah, visit those and see why I’ve practically abandoned Tumblr. When used right, Reddit is a very supportive community. The ladies there are fantastic. :)

"Don’t be fooled. You’re not in a competition with other women. You’re in a..."

Fri, 25 May 2012 10:43:49 -0400

“Don’t be fooled. You’re not in a competition with other women. You’re in a competition with everyone.”

- Tina Fey

Mega Update of Doom

Fri, 25 May 2012 09:43:00 -0400

A few things have happened since I last posted, dear reader. Here they are, in chronological order:

I went on a really average date with a really boring man. During said date I managed to break my year long dry spell.

It was very bad. I think he was trying to eat my face with his tongue, and possibly crush me to death with his body
He informed me he has no hobbies. Not just “no hobbies” but seemingly no passion for anything in life.
We did not go out again.

I had my 29th birthday! Celebrating the 1 year mark to getting my life together! It was on a Saturday this year, so I celebrated the entire weekend
- Friday: went on a date with a really awesome guy. We’ve seen each other again since, and I hope will continue to date. Woo!
- Saturday: Went to a local bar for $10 all you can drink beer and attended a concert that included Awol Nation and Young the Giant! (sooo good)
- Sunday: Spent time with my awesome family, had a cookout, and ate cake!

I’ve begun taking over the weekly training sessions at work
- It makes me super nervous because I’m a horrid public speaker.
- In my head as I’m talking all I can think is “don’t fall over, don’t spit, drool, or throw up”

All in all things are going splendidly lately. I don’t really have a pic to associate with my joy :) Hopefully I’ll have something more interesting/funny to post in the next few days.

Happy Mother's Day! 3 Steps of Awesome

Fri, 11 May 2012 13:49:00 -0400

Happy Mother’s Day weekend everyone! If you’re a mom, thanks for being awesome! If you have a mom, please thank her for being awesome! If you don’t have a mom, find the mom-like person in your life and give them a hug!

Here are my super-not-so-secret plans for my Mom:

1.) I’ve purchased a fancy apron for her using a Google Offers deal from Flirty Aprons. For others interested, you can find the 50% off deal here.

2.) I’m taking her to a place called Dip n’ Dab tomorrow night for BYOB Painting! We’ll be painting our own Van Goghs!

3.) Sunday I will drive out to my mom’s house (where my Mom, Dad, Grandma, and Great Aunt live) and having a lovely Brunch with all the wonderful mother figures in my life.

What a pleasant weekend it will be!

Trying out Sally Hansen Salon Effects :D

Wed, 09 May 2012 22:46:37 -0400

Trying out Sally Hansen Salon Effects :D

I think I'm losing my mind this time, this time I'm losing my mind

Sun, 06 May 2012 15:30:00 -0400

RIP MCA.

While I am a fan of the Beastie Boys and am saddened by the death of Adam Yauch, that’s not why I chose the title above.

I really do think I’m losing my mind this time. This weekend I performed my usual “good granddaughter” act and baby sat my grandma and great aunt (both of who live with my parents) so my Mom & Dad could go on vacation. They’re due back any time now. Mom left me some spending money (well, babysitting money) as reimbursement for my time and gas spent coming out here (I live about 80 miles away from them). I would have come out anyways, but I’m not going to argue when someone gives me money.

But I digress. A normal person would have said “oh, a decent amount of money. I shall put it into my bank account.” However, I learned recently that I’ve lost enough weight to fit in a juniors size 13 (US)!

So I spent all of my monies, plus some more, on new clothes. I also have a weird obsession with the scent of the men’s cologne department in Macy’s. It smells delicious and sexy and awesome. I figured I was having a good day, so I might as well look for the source of this awesome smell so I could wear it daily. Because I’m the type of lady who wear’s dudes cologne. That’s how I roll.

Of course, it was this:

For the record, dude readers, this scent will get you into ladies pants like that. Seriously, spend the $60, and get tons of proverbial pussy.

So, yeah, bought a bunch of clothes, new cologne, yada yada. Went back to parents house. Verified old ladies were ok, proceeded to do nothing. Because I am a sad woman who dresses up, buys shit, then goes home to old people.

Fed the grandmas, watched some movies, went to bed. Woke up filled with guilt and self hate and regret. Because that’s also how I roll.

So I got up, tossed the dogs out (there are 3 of them, I’ll post pics at some point), fed the Grandmas, and fed myself. Sadly.

I moped around. Made the Grandmas lunches, which they promptly rejected. Went upstairs and moped in front of the tv. Eventually my mother called.

She told me to go outside and take a walk. It’d be good for me! Maybe if I’d join some kind of club or group, I’d make new friends! I just need to find something I’m interested in. Because apparently working 50 hours a week plus going to school part time aren’t enough.

Since then she’s proceeded to send me texts of plans for her own “bucket list” all day. Lucky, lucky me.

Naturally, this warranted a trip to DQ for one of these:

Cause hey, I like fudge, and I’m from Georgia. And who needs to be a size 13 in Juniors when you have no friends and everyone hates you?

I moped a while longer, and eventually got a text from a boy from OkCupid I’ve been chatting with.

We chatted a little and he asked me out for drinks tonight. I was going to be lazy and not bother taking a shower or being even remotely human today, but now I will.

And that’s probably a good thing.

Worst. Day. Ever.

Thu, 03 May 2012 07:37:00 -0400

Tuesday evening was quite possibly the worst evening I’ve had in 2012. It all started when I arrived home, and had the thought that it would be a good idea - this being Georgia and nearing 90 degrees - to water all the plants on my porch. Being the super genius that I am I figured watering the large hanging plant that a Dove family moved in to would be a good idea as well.
It was not.
Just by being in their proximity Mama bird flew away, afraid for her life, and immediately got into a fight with a large crow. Luckily, she won. A split second later little baby bird #1 (all Doves have two babies, a clutch) decides to fly away as well. Well, glide. Well, fall not-so-gracefully… to a corner of my porch. Since I am not only a super genius, but also a very level headed person who makes fantastic decisions under pressure, I of course thought grabbing him and putting him back in his nest would be the most logical thing to do.
It was not.
For such a young, spastic thing he was very quick, and managed to take a flying leap off the porch. I can only imagine he spread his little wings and glided down because when I looked over the side he was sitting contentedly, still very much alive, on the ground three floors down. I ran into my house and out the front door, both of my cats looking at me like I had lost my mind. (It should be noted I was wearing a skirt and heels, as I had just gotten off work.) As I scooted down the hill that was covered in pine straw (very slippery) I was sure that the little baby dove had not seen me, and being the extremely dexterous person I am, I could grasp him easily.
I did not.
As soon as I got close he immediately fluttered off as hard as a baby bird can, and slowly drifted down, down, down, to his watery doom. When he landed in the middle of the rather large pond I let out a bad Star Wars Episode III “NOOOOOO!”. Defeated, I walked back up to my apartment. Mama bird had not returned, and baby bird #2 just looked at me like “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!?!”. I could see Baby Bird #1 thrashing violently in the pond, at which point I lost it.

I began bawling on my sofa. I’ve been experimenting with makeup lately so within a few minutes I looked as though I were wearing a burglars mask. Black eyeliner, mascara, and eyeshadow streaking across my face. I managed to wipe it off and wandered back into my living room, at which point my cat, RiverSong, looked at me, squatted on the floor, and took a gigantic dump (which my friend Shelley would later describe as karma getting me back for killing the bird). She was literally 4 inches away from her litterbox, but apparently the floor just seemed like a more appropriate place for poop.
I wailed a little, and cleaned it up.
If I weren’t so completely upset I may have noticed the fact it was extremely warm in my apartment. Instead of taking note of this and making other arrangements for the evening with a friend who’s air conditioner was in working condition, I decided to order a pizza.
Because hey, I’ll admit it. I eat my feelings. I eat the hell out of ‘em.
Then I smoked a bowl. Because I also smoke my feelings.
Eventually the 10” pizza arrived, and I devoured it. All of it. I ate a whole freaking pizza.
Then decided I needed froyo. So off to the Yogilicious shop I went, and a gigantic bowl of frozen yogurt covered in brownies, mochi, hot fudge, and sprinkles was consumed. After watching some ridiculous movie I went to bed.
It was so hot I had to strip the bed down, and slept in just my underwear. Even then, it was still too hot to go to sleep. I opened a window, and it was cooler outside my apartment than in. At one point I debated taking a pillow onto my back porch and sleeping out there, but I was concerned that mama bird (who had finally returned) would attack my head or find some other way to avenge her drown child.
The next day was better. I went to work, and related this tale of woe to a coworker, who laughed hysterically at my suffering. My A/C got fixed, and I managed to make it through the day without killing one living creature.

The dove babies hatched. :) Mama is super protective, hopefully...

Sun, 29 Apr 2012 20:03:40 -0400

The dove babies hatched. :) Mama is super protective, hopefully I’ll catch a better shot later on.

The real evil behind body image issues

Fri, 27 Apr 2012 10:03:00 -0400

Body image is a weird thing. I figure you basically have two camps: the skinny = beauty camp (we’ll refer to as “SKIBUT” pronounced “skee-butt”), and the love your body no matter the size camp (from here on out referred to as LYBNMS, pronounced “lib-nims”) . There is a small group who promotes health and fitness as a way of life, but they’re boring and non-controversial, so no one gives a shit about them.

From the first time we have an issue attracting a partner we’re told to have lots of self confidence and our body shape won’t matter, that the gender we desire will be attracted to our confidence. Well that’s just not fucking true, is it? Stereotypically “beautiful” people who have others fawning all over them often have terrible self esteem. But you’ll never see someone telling them “oh, why can’t you just be happy?” because their physical beauty seems to outshine any emotional fallacy they may have.

In America this is a problem that crosses all gender lines. Everyone has or has had some sort of body image issue. Women are told we aren’t thin enough, men are told they’re too hairy, and trans people often hear both. The LYBNMS group would have us believe that we just need to love ourselves, to have self confidence in our bodies and go out to places and do things we’d do at a socially “acceptable” size and not worry about the weird looks we get from normal people. LYBNMS generally promote the idea that fat does not equal unhealthy. SKIBUT’s argue back that fat is evil, and generally always linked to disease when found in excess.

But both the LYBNMS’ and the SKIBUT’s are missing the point. This is the real enemy:

Giraffes. The tallest, skinniest, biggest doe eyed, longest legged, most defined necked mother fuckers on the planet. Just by existing it is obvious they MUST have an agenda against humanity. They exist simply to mock humanity’s idea of beauty by displaying what we find attractive to an extreme. Not to mention their tongues are the envy of porn stars and Gene Simmons’ the world over! Supermodels strive and starve daily to obtain this level of beauty, and sometimes even die trying!

So I say ban Giraffes! Let the LYBNMS’ and SKIBUT’s come together on this issue. The tyranny has gone on long enough!

Blerg! Crummy day.

Tue, 24 Apr 2012 11:04:04 -0400

With Shark Week and Finals looming, let’s see what crazy things Sally has done so far today:

Sent her boss a crazy IM freaking out over an unreasonable request from the accounting department
Screamed at the head tech support guy (which caused him to inform her to “quit taking it so personal” - the grammar and attitude of which inflamed craziness even more)
Cried in a bathroom stall (spent 5 minutes washing mascara from face)
Whined to reddit about the whole situation
Is now posting a bullet point list illustrating her craziness narrating it from the 3rd person perspective. Awesome.

Work ends at 5pm. I am going to go home, buy a bottle of wine and a giant bar of dark chocolate, smoke a bowl, eat & drink previously mentioned food, and watch Game of Thrones.

Fuck it.

Weigh In Week 5! Lost another 2 lbs this week! Took new during...

Fri, 20 Apr 2012 18:18:00 -0400

Weigh In Week 5!

Lost another 2 lbs this week! Took new during pic :-)